Breakfast television in Australia is more boring than cornflakes, I think as munch on a far more interesting bowl of muesli, stewed fruit and skim milk on a morning when I decide that instead of blogging or checking emails before leaving for work, I’ll watch televsion.
I’ve blogged before about non-newsworthy stories that get front page scoops, but really the drivel they’re showing on Channel 7’s Sunrise this morning takes the cake.
I’m not making this up.
There’s a man, lets call him Jim (I forgot his name in the excitement of it all) who is telling host Sam Armytage about how he got a parking ticket overturned in Brisbane.
“I only parked for 40 minutes in a two-hour zone,” says Jim as we’re shown a shot of the offending Moreton Bay council, a square, white block of a building, oozing petty bureaucracy, with palm trees swaying outside in the ocean breeze.
And then Jim goes on to tell us breakfast-eaters about the whole saga, of how he had to go to the council offices, and wait, and then when he did speak to someone was told that he would have to take his case all the way through the appeal process.
But in the end he got his ticket revoked – a tale of bravery against the odds. Let’s give Jim a medal!
But that’s not all.
Jim is suing the council for wasting his time – “My time is valuable to me” he muses.
And so is mine I think as I wonder just how this little provincial tale made it onto national television at 7am in the morning.
It’s not just me who is bored, Sam Armytage looks bored too and annoyed, wondering if Jim will ever end his story.
Eventually she gets good old Jim to wrap it up – and the relief is palpable on her face.
The camera pans to David Koch – Kochie as we all know him – who seems to find Jim’s story most interesting.
“Good on you Jim,” he says, but then Kochie tells everyone that.
I switch channel to ABC News Breakfast.
It’s that regular morning spot where a fellow colleague at the ABC dissects the minutiae of the what’s in the day’s newspapers, in search of the most boring stories, commentary and analysis, which is then re-analysed and re-commented on by the guest and the hosts of the show.
It’s high-brow intellectual mumbo-jumbo, mental masturbation as Woody Allen would call it.
And it’s always the same stories. What Julia said. What Tony said. That Julie Bishop where’s the pants in the Liberal Party. The latest scandal. Etc Etc.
Everyone looks interested and fascinated by the analysis of analysis of the day’s newspapers, but I’m lost and can’t even follow the basic political plot.
Time to switch.
Channel 10 Breakfast.
Thankfully this is one of the last episodes as they’re just about to can the racist, sexist right-wing rants of host Paul Henry, a gerbil of a man if ever there was one. (The show ended this week).
And so its on to Channel 9’s Today program.
Karl Stefanovic, with his Tom Cruise-like grin is making all the ladies giggle and swoon.
Ho, ho, ho he’s so funny that Karl with his cheeky expressions, except when he puts on his serious face for those serious topics and then he reminds me of Ben Stiller’s “blue steel” stare in Zoolander.
Also on Channel Nine, entertainment reporter Richard “Dicky’ Wilkins is interviewing someone about the latest Hollywood blockbuster.
As with all his interviews, they go something like this:
Dicky: It’s a wonderful movie.
Celebrity: Thank you.
Dicky: Really wonderful.
Celebrity: Thanks. We were pleased
Dicky: That’s wonderful. So what’s your next project
Celebrity: A low budget foreign movie.
Dicky: Oh. Sorry I’ve only ever reviewed Hollywood blockbusters, budget $100 million minimum.
Dicky: Never mind. Still it’s wonderful nonetheless.
Dicky: So when are you coming to visit your fans in Australia?
Celebrity: Oh, I love coming to visit. We’ll be here soon.
Dicky: That’s wonderful. Wonderful.
Dicky: That’s wonderful.
I grab for the remote.